Many people claim they want a "Sub," but frankly, most don't even understand what a Sub truly is.
When they say, "I want a sub," they aren't actually looking for submission. They're looking for certainty—the assurance that you won't leave. They're not looking for obedience; they're looking for power, the thrill of being able to manipulate others at will.
There's nothing inherently wrong with this; it's a natural human inclination. But that's not what being a Dom is about. True domination isn't about others obeying you; it's about others trusting you.
The core of true domination isn't about being obeyed, but about being trusted. A Sub entrusting themselves to you isn't handing you a master key to barge through their world. They are giving you their most vulnerable lock, trusting that you will take the time to listen, learn, and fashion a unique key.
Any form of control not built on empathy is merely PUA (Pick-Up Artist) tactics, albeit prettily packaged.
When someone kneels before you, it's not a declaration of their inferiority. It's their way of saying: "When I let down my guard, I firmly believe you will be my anchor." This trust is sacred. If you're only captivated by the glamorous facade of "Dom" but can't shoulder this responsibility, then you're not a Dom. You're just a tourist in a themed park, and it's time to go home after the ride.
To put it plainly: you don't actually want an obedient person.
What you truly want is the feeling of being needed that doesn't disappear when the game is over.
You want someone who, after seeing through your strengths (and even your weaknesses), still chooses to soften in your embrace.
You want a mode of interaction that resonates with your inner desires, a true connection.
Because the most powerful D/s relationship is never built on possession, but on exchange. You exchange your authority for their trust; your rules for their submission; your care for their chaos.
Demanding obedience? That's easy (with money, status, or intimidation)—anyone can do it. But earning someone's submission? That's the mark of a true master.
So, before you ask someone to kneel, ask yourself: Am I doing this to satisfy my own vanity, or to respond to their needs?
If you choose the former, my friend, what you truly desire isn't submission. What you desire is a sense of control that makes you feel loved.
0 comments