20 Essential Questions for New Members in a BDSM Circle

The 20 Circle Entry Questions

  1. What are your current BDSM roles and interests?

    • Are you primarily Dominant, submissive, switch, Top, Bottom, or still exploring?
    • What kinks or play types are you most curious about or experienced with?
  2. What does consent look like for you?

    • How do you prefer to give and receive consent?
    • Do you expect explicit verbal negotiation, written agreements, or ongoing check-ins?
  3. What are your soft limits and hard limits?

    • Soft limits: things you might consider with the right partner and setup.
    • Hard limits: non-negotiable no’s. Be specific (e.g., “no breath play,” “no humiliation involving slurs”).
  4. What are your safewords and nonverbal signals?

    • Common system: “Green/Yellow/Red.”
    • Nonverbal backups for gagged or non-verbal scenes (e.g., hand squeeze, tapping out, dropping a token).
  5. What safety practices do you follow?

    • Negotiation, pre-scene checklists, safewords, toy cleaning, first-aid kit, aftercare planning.
    • For impact/rope/edge play: mention skills, risk awareness, or certifications if applicable.
  6. What experience do you have, and how do you learn?

    • Years active, mentorship, classes, workshops, vetted events.
    • Are you open to learning or shadowing more experienced members?
  7. What kinds of scenes interest you right now?

  8. What types of scenes do you want to avoid?

    • List content categories you are not seeking in this community (e.g., CNC roleplay, medical play, public humiliation).
  9. What are your health considerations?

    • Relevant physical or mental health notes that affect play (e.g., joint issues, migraines, PTSD triggers).
    • Allergies or materials sensitivities (e.g., latex, nickel).
  10. What boundaries do you have around identity and privacy?

    • Photo/video policies, real names vs. scene names.
    • Social media tagging and event privacy preferences.
  11. What are your STI/sexual health practices?

    • Testing frequency, barrier use preferences, fluid bonding status.
    • Whether sexual contact is on the table for you in scenes.
  12. What are your expectations around aftercare?

    • What helps you land safely after play (e.g., water, blanket, quiet space, cuddles, check-ins, chocolate).
    • Timing needs: immediate, hours later, next-day check-in.
  13. What are your communication preferences?

    • In-scene feedback style: subtle cues vs. explicit check-ins.
    • Out-of-scene: messaging platforms, response times, scheduling.
  14. How do you handle limits, mistakes, or misunderstandings?

    • De-escalation strategies, pausing a scene, addressing harm, and repair.
    • Openness to feedback and community standards.
  15. What toys and gear do you use or prefer?

  16. What are your expectations around mentorship, vetting, and references?

    • Are you comfortable providing references or engaging in a trial period?
    • Interest in mentorship as mentor or mentee.
  17. What public vs. private play boundaries do you have?

    • Comfort level with demos, parties, private sessions.
    • Dress code, protocol levels, and etiquette expectations.
  18. What power exchange dynamics interest you?

    • Short-term scene D/s, long-term D/s, 24/7 elements, service dynamics, bratting/brat-taming, authority transfer contracts.
  19. What relationship structure do you practice?

    • Monogamous, polyamorous, open, solo poly, relationship anarchy.
    • Expectations around discretion, scheduling, and partner communication.
  20. What do you hope to gain from this community?

    • Learning goals, safe play opportunities, social connection, mentorship, leadership, or event volunteering.

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